“I don’t do apologies,” she said to me out-of-no-where.
I looked at her and realized the statement was directed toward me, for sure, because there was no one else around. I remember being confused but it was obvious, a response from me was not invited. What was the underpinning reason for saying those words, to me? What did that random monologue even mean?
This comment was made to me years ago and since then ‘the scenario’ has popped into my mind a number of times, as I’ve tried to make sense of it. I’m going to attempt to break it down from the ‘point of view’ of a person who would never say this to another person, for ANY possible reason.
“I don’t do apologies” I think means she must be (or feel)‘guilty’ about something she has done to me, and she knows she ‘should’ apologize - hence random comment! She knows or thinks she has hurt me in some way. She knows or thinks her behaviour has been cruel, or mean spirited towards me. She knows or thinks an apology, might repair and/or heal our relationship, BUT she is not willing to ‘stoop’ or ‘lower herself’ (in her own mind) to actually apologize to me. It’s way too painful for her to admit her mistakes and awful ‘ways of being.’ Her need to bring me down and squash me overpowers her, and makes her ‘feel’ better about herself in the moment, but of course, the ‘guilt’ quickly follows and settles in her spirit - dis-empowering her once again. Her pride, her sense of superiority and need to control, rely on her resisting, and NOT giving me what she ‘thinks’ I need. She truly believes ‘she loses’ by admitting any fault!
A line from Elton John’s song springs to mind… SORRY seems to be the hardest word
BUT; SORRY is only ‘hard’ if you don’t mean it, or you really intended to hurt someone, and you do not intend to change your behaviour anytime soon.
SORRY is an empowering word and a liberating gesture, for those who do not feel ‘lessened’ in anyway, when an apology is required.
Not one single person on this planet will escape the need to apologize fairly regularly! We are all imperfect humans after all.
Carrying ‘guilt’ (you know what you need to do but you won’t) is crippling and short-sighted because over time your Self-worth (esteem) will spiral downwards into a hole. Holding on to your ‘pride’ whilst ‘living in a hole’ is pointless and sad and if you think other people can’t see it…you are deceived.
There are MANY people ‘waiting’ for apologies (they will never get) from people who are unwilling to get out of their hole. A prideful person may never choose to apologize and will carry their false self-image and ‘guilt’ to their grave.
If you’ve been waiting for an apology from a prideful person…’Let go’ of the ‘need’ for an apology - trust me, you actually don’t need one - press on with your fabulous life.
Those people who easily apologize and take responsibility for their mistakes, are vessels of LOVE, and will continue to grow, encourage, prosper, inspire and connect with others on a deeper level, living their BEST life! They also sleep very peacefully at night!
LOVE and SORRY are inseparable. If someone cannot apologize, for the harm they’ve caused you and change their behaviour, they don’t LOVE you. There is where the clarity illuminates - without SORRY (and a change in behaviour) there is no LOVE
written by Teresa de Mouilpied-Moore - Author/Life Coach/Social Psychologist/CBT Practitioner/Podcaster
My book link https://www.amazon.com.au/LIFE-BE-ING.../dp/B085PVW64Q #sorry #selflovematters #lifecoaching
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